Movie Reviews: The Haunted Airman

The trailer promised: "It will rattle your nerves and take you to the very edge." (That's what he said.)

It will rattle whose what?

To the very edge of whatnow?

Rob's Hair
Opening scene: closeup of the face of Toby Jugg, the bomber baron. There's his eyebrow! We can spot those anywhere. Guess what else he has? A moustache. (Why don't we have that picture?) But they must have then decided that that would obscure his beauty or interfere with the later shots of the spiders on his face, so that was the last we saw of the 'stache. He did, however, have a mild unibrow. And less chest hair than sparkle-reveal Edward in the New Moon movie.



Rob's Quotes
"Here is the end of the world, where the living dance with the dead." (Um, it's a mental institution and rehab mansion. Bit of a drama queen, are we?)
"He harks off." (What? He does? But I thought he was paralyzed from the waist down?)
"There are m*therf*cking sparkles on the m*therf*ckin plane."

Why Rob Chose to Be In This Movie
We're pretty sure he wrote the screenplay. He gets to smoke cigarettes in pretty much every shot, and he gets to be pushed around in a wheelchair.

"This is the worst script ever. I'll do it!"

Twilight Crossover/Tie-In
In the film, Rob's eyes are his natural color--green. But in the DVD menu screen, his eyes are golden brown, and he appears to be wearing both blush and lipstick.

Overall Impressions
This was effably (our favorite word from the movie) the most confusing movie this side of David Lynch. The movie is, as the title promises, about an airman. And he does indeed seem to be haunted. And that's mostly what it is...scene after scene of him being haunted. There's a doctor who may or may not be trying to brainwash him into committing suicide. Then there is his aunt by marriage, with whom he has had an inappropriate relationship. And she deals him a bit of treachery, for which he delivers her a violent end. Oh Toby. She only liked you when you were underage and it was illegal. Story as old as time. Or as young as time.

Recommendation
Watch this movie if you would like to see a young Robert Pattinson wearing tweed and sweatervests (actually not quite as hot as it might have been), smoking lots of cigarettes, and having a nurse massage and bathe him.

Awkward!