Fortune Cookies Are Never Wrong

Your curiosity may mean success.
Well, there are several things that I am curious about, so I'm just going to hold on to that fortune.

This is Not a Test

There's no time to comment. No time! Do you see this picture?

Birthday Bites

Specimen A: Mad Libs 

Edward

Edward is a purple scrotally vampire who likes to cook blood. He impregnated in the small town of Forks, Washington, under a constant cover of scrotums.

Edward's world comes crashing down around him when he meets Michael, a beardy teenager whose blood smells delicious. Also, he is unable to read Michael's cupcakes.

Specimen B: Birthday Wishes Part 1: The Anti-Present

We know that Bella likes her presents home made.

This was home made...

Birthday Wishes Part 2: Its Rhetorical

Can you think of anything else that might be home made?

Edward chuckles nervously as Bella's birthday present shows up a little early. 

Specimen C: That's What She Said -- A Birthday Quote

"Edward wasn't the only member of his family with unusual skills"

Lurking Skills

Brooding Skills

Sparkling Skills

Kissing Skills

Bouffant Skills

Piano Skills

And other, mysterious skills that we know little about... 

 Yeah Edward, I think Bella was hoping for a little more than a cd on her Birthday.

Specimen D: A Birthday Drink

Paper Cuts -- How many shots before they bite?

1/2 oz grenadine

1 oz Tequila

salt (for the wound)

slice of lime 

1. Prepare shot

2. pour salt on wound

3. Do shot 

4. lick salt, suck on lime

5. Fight off hungry vampires... or not!

Specimen E:  

I hope you've found something delicious to sink your teeth into! Happy Birthday!

What We Do Know, Part III

"It probably felt similar to snuggling with Michelangelo’s David, except that this perfect marble creature wrapped his arms around me to pull me closer."



What are they looking at?

Pop Revelations VII: Bowie's in Forks

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Oh! You Pretty Things!

Its true, the Volturi were quite miffed when they heard Bowie perform Oh! You Pretty Things, without checking in with the censorship board first. Not that the lyrics are easily decipherable... its just that the Volturi love their rules. 

But what could they do? Bowie is clearly a powerful vampire in his own right -- his special talent being to freeze everyone in place with his inhuman musical skills. See for yourself (and watch for some pretty vampiric smirks).

Oh You Pretty Things

Wake up you sleepy head
Put on some clothes, get out of bed
Put another log on the fire for me
I've made some breakfast and coffee
I look out my window what do I see
A crack in the sky and a hand reaching down to me
All the nightmares came today
And it looks as though they're here to stay

What are we coming to
No room for me, no fun for you
I think about a world to come
Where the books were found by the Golden ones
Written in pain, written in awe
By a puzzled man who questioned
What we came here for
All the strangers came today
And it looks as though they're here to stay

Oh You Pretty Things (Oh You Pretty Things)
Don't you know you're driving your
Mamas and Papas insane
Oh You Pretty Things (Oh You Pretty Things)
Don't you know you're driving your
Mamas and Papas insane
Let me make it plain
You gotta make way for the Homo Superior

Look at your children
See their faces in golden rays
Don't kid yourself they belong to you
They're the start of a coming race
The earth is a bitch
We've finished our news
Homo Sapiens have outgrown their use
All the strangers came today
And it looks as though they're here to stay

Oh You Pretty Things (Oh You Pretty Things)
Don't you know you're driving your
Mamas and Papas insane
Oh You Pretty Things (Oh You Pretty Things)
Don't you know you're driving your
Mamas and Papas insane
Let me make it plain
You gotta make way for the Homo Superior

What We Do Know, Part II

It's as cold as ice.

Breaking News! Robert Pattinson's Future Love Child to Take Residence in Seattle. More at 11...

Thats right friends, sources tell me I am a likely candidate to be the carrier of Robert Pattinson's love child. 

Frankly, I did not believe the news at first, but it was brought to me in such

 a manner that I could not doubt it! Kurt Cobain, my beyond-the-grave boyfriend of one year, spent the past few weeks hanging out with powers of ethereal stature, where he overheard such and such talking to so and so about the impending event.

But I don't even know Robert Pattinson! How is this possible? How can this be? Kurt stood by his otherworldly sources, and informed me that when the powers are high (and they usually are) they work in mysterious ways.

Sources say the mysterious event will happen sometime between now and later. 

I asked Kurt how he felt about it. Was he mad? He said he wasn't, and that

he thought it was "Pretty hot," and then continued to mumble something that sounded like "partially my love child too." I ignored the strange gleam in his eye and moved on to more important topics.

What should I eat for breakfast?

Before I could continue on with my day, Kurt said he forgot to tell me the most important thing of all. 

"April Fools!" 

That's right. It was a big joke, all along.

All this time, I thought I was a fool for no one! But it turns out I'm a fool for two...

Yet still, there are some facts that even Kurt won't fool around with.