I was incredibly confused as to how a vampire could produce sperm, but not tears. I tossed and turned over this tiny detail. Shouldn't this be impossible?
What? You say the entire book is impossible? BAH. I still want believable explanations. How can Edward suck venom from Bella's wound if his own mouth is full of venom? Does he just have to swallow it all first? Not touch his teeth to her wound? hmm. And what about menstrual blood? Doesn't that bug vampires too? Do vampires do everything fast (Jean, I don't think many vampires actually make risotto)?
Of course, Stephenie Meyer probably couldn't fit every single fact into the four books. I mean, JRR Tolkein included a 200 page appendix at the end of Return of the King (Meyer should probably thank me for including Tolkein in a post about her. Just sayin). And including an explanation about sperm would probably mean cutting out stuff like broken headboards and other crucial plot points. Sooooo, I discovered the FAQ section on Meyer's website (yet another thing you can google). She sort of explains the tear thing. Vampires don't produce tears because their eyes don't require moisture to function...
Anyhoo, the best part of the explanation is when Meyer talks of why she never answers this type of question at book signings. Apparently she has the tendency to giggle when she says "Seminal Fluids". Truly she is a kindred spirit. Similar to the dick and fart joke phenomenon, women are often connected by the middle school girl syndrome; an inability to hold back the giggles when talking about attractive people, naked people, or anything in between... eh? EH? So the next time you hear a silly word like "sperm" or "ovum", or even just "fluid" try the giggle. Satisfaction guarunteed!
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