Quiet Time

Please Do Not Disturb the Wildlife

Please Do Not Feed

The Three Daniels

Twilight related sentiments from three prominent Daniels:

Bandmate Daniel

 "I think the make-out scene was missing something... like Bella making a grab at Edward"

Brother Daniel

"It was ok until he started glittering."

Swedish Daniel

"I take it Pattinson is well sought after... 

you better act quickly now Em ^^"

As it turns out, Daniels know as little as we do about a certain topic. 

Its rhetorical: Eyebrows

Guest Blog from Robert Pattinson! 

"I wonder if vampire eyebrows can grow back. Maybe for the tortured New Moon Bits?" 

What We Do Know Part VI

...

It defies the logic of our sexx laws.

Pop Revelations: Part VIII

Finally! I understand why this song is called Bizarre Love Triangle! Thank you, Volturri, for establishing a New Order.

Every time i think of you
I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue [glitter]
It's no problem of mine but it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind
There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
While every day my confusion grows

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say

I feel fine and I feel good
I'm feeling like I never should
Whenever I get this way, I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem [vampire? werewolf?]
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say

Of Werewolves and Wolverines

Do you think Wolverine is based off the werewolf legends? Why and why not? Do you think Wolverine is similar at all to Jacob? 

The scientists who designed Wolverine's indestructible skeletal makeup might have received their ideas for a super-mutant fighting machine from werewolf legends. But in the end, he stands true to the characteristics of a wolverine found in nature: short, stocky, antisocial, and occasionally snacking on nuts and berries to supplement a meaty diet. What what. While I've never met a wolverine, I've heard they also have a wicked sense of humor. Wolverine's characteristics  are in stark contrast with the taller, sleeker pack-running werewolf. Wolverine answers to no one. 

As for the characters, Wolverine and Jacob do have a lot of similarities. Both get angered easily, both think that they can tear their way through anything, both are cracking jokes all the time. Both of them get involved in love triangles. Neither of them sparkle. At times both of them have to put up with a bunch of other superhuman morons that they call their "brothers"

Jacob's brothers play their favorite hazing game called, "Who Smells Like Edward."

What We Do Know, Part V

Everything about it draws you in.

Twilight Jokes

Question:

 What is Edward's Favorite kind of Easter Candy?

Answer:

Eh? Get it? EH?... I know you're laughing.

Douche-off: Edward vs. Edward

In a grueling battle of the unsavory (Queue "Family Feud" Theme music), Book Edward and Movie Edward face off in six qualifying categories, where their less palatable qualities fall under scrutiny: Wardrobe, Hair, Time Spent in Front of Mirror, Moves with the Ladies, Ed-words, and Expressions. 

Let the Douche-offs Begin! (Winner takes Angel)

Wardrobe

Movie Edward doesn't stand a chance against Book Edward in this category. Tan Leather Jacket VS. Gray Peacoat? Sleeveless white button up VS. That's my t-shirt? clearly Book Edward takes the douche on this one. 

Hair

Book Edward is described as having untidy hair (maybe this is because Bella can't keep her hands out of it). "Untidy" suggests a relaxed attitude when it comes to appearance, which in turn suggests a lack of douchery.

The bouffant/pompadour can go either way on the douchery spectrum: Yes, it suggests a certain affinity to various hair products. But the bold front with a ducktail dive in the back is reminiscent of Johnny Cash -- clean cut yet incredibly hardcore. 

 I am unable to come to a conclusion on my own, so I defer to a dear friend (if we were to meet, we would be friends... I am sure of it).

Since Robert Pattinson expresses such an aversion to Edward's bouffant, Mov-E = Douch-E 

Time Spent in Front of Mirror

Both Edwards are very fast, we know this. But which one is faster when it comes to looks? We know that Book Edward only owns beige and other gag-worthy colors, so he probably doesn't worry much about making things match up... but is that untidy hair a practiced untidy? flip...flip... flip... aaaaaand done!  

Movie Edward sports a high maintenance 'do, yet his wardrobe is refreshingly simple. Jeans and T-shirts (don't let them get in the dirt!). However, he does sport some cool sneakers, and I imagine he might spend a few minutes deciding which shoes go best with the particular cuts of his designer jeans. Movie Edward, you clearly stare at yourself in the mirror more often... I know I would... 

Moves with the Ladies

Book Edward wins. Why? Because he acts like a douche. Movie Edward actually seems like a 17 year old boy that might actually want to make out with his girlfriend, and is really scared about it, rather than a condescending boyfriend who chuckles at his girlfriend's enthusiasm, and then freaks out. Oh yeah, and he winks at her... I know you're 107 years old, but take a lesson from Movie Edward and stick to the intense stares... waaaaay more captivating, way less douchey. 

Ed-Words

Book Edward's smarfiest line = "Hmm, remind me to thank Alice for that." ~ about Bella's leg, fettered in high heels... and I thought he was concerned for her safety!

Movie Edward's smarfiest line = "You better hold on tight spider monkey" 

Though the pet name is a bit... odd, it certainly doesn't match up with Edward giving his sister kudos for sexing up Bella.  All Douche-nozzles point toward Book Edward!

Expressions

Book Edward expresses himself via copious chuckling, whereas Movie Edward keeps it all bottled up, with an occassional smirk. Sorry Book-E, but your chuckles give us the douche-chills.

Douche Tally

Book Edward =4 

Movie Edward = 2

Congratulations Book Edward, you have won the D-Nozzle Trophy! And Congratulations Movie Edward, for losing! Just like that horrible reality TV show about being fat, sometimes it pays to be the biggest loser. 

Yet even in the midst of all the douchery, the most chilling facts remain undiscovered. 

What we do know Part IV

It doesn't suck.

Fortune Cookies Are Never Wrong

Your curiosity may mean success.
Well, there are several things that I am curious about, so I'm just going to hold on to that fortune.

This is Not a Test

There's no time to comment. No time! Do you see this picture?

Birthday Bites

Specimen A: Mad Libs 

Edward

Edward is a purple scrotally vampire who likes to cook blood. He impregnated in the small town of Forks, Washington, under a constant cover of scrotums.

Edward's world comes crashing down around him when he meets Michael, a beardy teenager whose blood smells delicious. Also, he is unable to read Michael's cupcakes.

Specimen B: Birthday Wishes Part 1: The Anti-Present

We know that Bella likes her presents home made.

This was home made...

Birthday Wishes Part 2: Its Rhetorical

Can you think of anything else that might be home made?

Edward chuckles nervously as Bella's birthday present shows up a little early. 

Specimen C: That's What She Said -- A Birthday Quote

"Edward wasn't the only member of his family with unusual skills"

Lurking Skills

Brooding Skills

Sparkling Skills

Kissing Skills

Bouffant Skills

Piano Skills

And other, mysterious skills that we know little about... 

 Yeah Edward, I think Bella was hoping for a little more than a cd on her Birthday.

Specimen D: A Birthday Drink

Paper Cuts -- How many shots before they bite?

1/2 oz grenadine

1 oz Tequila

salt (for the wound)

slice of lime 

1. Prepare shot

2. pour salt on wound

3. Do shot 

4. lick salt, suck on lime

5. Fight off hungry vampires... or not!

Specimen E:  

I hope you've found something delicious to sink your teeth into! Happy Birthday!

What We Do Know, Part III

"It probably felt similar to snuggling with Michelangelo’s David, except that this perfect marble creature wrapped his arms around me to pull me closer."



What are they looking at?

Pop Revelations VII: Bowie's in Forks

+

=

Oh! You Pretty Things!

Its true, the Volturi were quite miffed when they heard Bowie perform Oh! You Pretty Things, without checking in with the censorship board first. Not that the lyrics are easily decipherable... its just that the Volturi love their rules. 

But what could they do? Bowie is clearly a powerful vampire in his own right -- his special talent being to freeze everyone in place with his inhuman musical skills. See for yourself (and watch for some pretty vampiric smirks).

Oh You Pretty Things

Wake up you sleepy head
Put on some clothes, get out of bed
Put another log on the fire for me
I've made some breakfast and coffee
I look out my window what do I see
A crack in the sky and a hand reaching down to me
All the nightmares came today
And it looks as though they're here to stay

What are we coming to
No room for me, no fun for you
I think about a world to come
Where the books were found by the Golden ones
Written in pain, written in awe
By a puzzled man who questioned
What we came here for
All the strangers came today
And it looks as though they're here to stay

Oh You Pretty Things (Oh You Pretty Things)
Don't you know you're driving your
Mamas and Papas insane
Oh You Pretty Things (Oh You Pretty Things)
Don't you know you're driving your
Mamas and Papas insane
Let me make it plain
You gotta make way for the Homo Superior

Look at your children
See their faces in golden rays
Don't kid yourself they belong to you
They're the start of a coming race
The earth is a bitch
We've finished our news
Homo Sapiens have outgrown their use
All the strangers came today
And it looks as though they're here to stay

Oh You Pretty Things (Oh You Pretty Things)
Don't you know you're driving your
Mamas and Papas insane
Oh You Pretty Things (Oh You Pretty Things)
Don't you know you're driving your
Mamas and Papas insane
Let me make it plain
You gotta make way for the Homo Superior

What We Do Know, Part II

It's as cold as ice.

Breaking News! Robert Pattinson's Future Love Child to Take Residence in Seattle. More at 11...

Thats right friends, sources tell me I am a likely candidate to be the carrier of Robert Pattinson's love child. 

Frankly, I did not believe the news at first, but it was brought to me in such

 a manner that I could not doubt it! Kurt Cobain, my beyond-the-grave boyfriend of one year, spent the past few weeks hanging out with powers of ethereal stature, where he overheard such and such talking to so and so about the impending event.

But I don't even know Robert Pattinson! How is this possible? How can this be? Kurt stood by his otherworldly sources, and informed me that when the powers are high (and they usually are) they work in mysterious ways.

Sources say the mysterious event will happen sometime between now and later. 

I asked Kurt how he felt about it. Was he mad? He said he wasn't, and that

he thought it was "Pretty hot," and then continued to mumble something that sounded like "partially my love child too." I ignored the strange gleam in his eye and moved on to more important topics.

What should I eat for breakfast?

Before I could continue on with my day, Kurt said he forgot to tell me the most important thing of all. 

"April Fools!" 

That's right. It was a big joke, all along.

All this time, I thought I was a fool for no one! But it turns out I'm a fool for two...

Yet still, there are some facts that even Kurt won't fool around with.