A Fanpire Expose

If we've learned anything over the past several months, its that Edward's penis sparkles. But that is not what this post is about (not yet, anyway). Its about Fanpire Specimen # 3 AM. That is what I call her, because I have seen her walk by my bakery several times, always in the wee-est hours of the morning. She is always wearing the Twilight hoodie, and khaki pants. She always wears headphones. She looks like she just walked out of my high school band class.

Who is she? Does she have children? Does she steal their Twilight hoodies to cloak herself in nightly quest for exercise, or perhaps a sandwich (QFC is also next to me... also 24 hrs)??? Or is 3 a.m. the only time she is brave enough to wear it? The only time she can show her true self?

This morning, I saw her again, and this time noticed the message on the back of her hoodie

"I don't want to be a monster."

It inspired me to draw a picture, to help you help me understand.

Hmmm. Maybe you had to be there...

To be fair, I drew a picture of myself

In case you were wondering, the image on my apron is a drawing of a wolf superimposed on Edward's FACE. The shading took me four hours!

GOOD MORNING SEATTLE!

Is it bad that I am growing attached to the "Team Deer" Title and picture?

The Other Side of Sparkle

Enough of vampires. Enough of sparkles. Enough! Its time to turn over a new leaf. And what might be hiding behind that leaf?

A deer.

At post 100, we at TDH have decided to bring you a new perspective on the Twilight series. The next one hundred posts will be strictly about what it's like to be a deer in the Twilight universe. What do they eat? What kind of impact does the influx of both vampires and werewolves have on their lifestyle? Who protects them?

We are no longer going to post about Edward, or his sparkles or his penis.

Or are we?

Did I fool you for even a little bit?

All jokes aside, we have something very special for you today, strait from the New Moon editing room -- a sneak peak of Edward's New Moon reveal, Complete with sparkle CGI and inguinal bats!!!

This moment is brought to you by our dedicated sparkle expert, Smashl333.