One for the Seattle Heat Wave

Oh my god that's so hot.

Pop Revelations XI: Dancer? Vampire.

The Killers.

Their name should tell you all you need to know. Obviously these are a people who like to dance with danger, to flirt with the undead. To test the very boundaries of the vampiric society they fit so well with. They are the "gender benders" of the supernatural world. Do they really kill? Do we care?

How ironic is it that The Killers hit song, "Human" is actually about vampires? Its ironic enough for the volturi to leave it alone, but as you all know by now, TDH leaves nothing alone. How ironic is it that changing one simple word in this song changes its entire meaning? Not ironic at all. After all, being vampire and being dancer are not mutually exclusive ideas.

Human Lyrics by The Killers
{with word "dancer" replaced by "vampire" for a chilling effect}

Chorus
Are we human?
Or are we vampire?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human?
Or are we vampire?

I did my best to notice
When the call came down the line
Up to the platform of surrender
I was brought but I was kind
And sometimes I get nervous
When I see an open door
Close your eyes
Clear your heart...
Cut the cord

Pay my respects to grace and virtue
Send my condolences to good
Give my regards to soul and romance,
They always did the best they could
And so long to devotion
You taught me everything I know
Wave goodbye
Wish me well..
You've gotta let me go

Will your system be alright
When you dream of home tonight?
There is no message we're receiving
Let me know is your heart still beating

You've gotta let me know

Are we human?
Or are we vampire?

Are we human
Or are we vampire?

These lyrics set up many jokes about something that we know very little about.

TDH's 108th Post

In honor of Everyone's Favorite 108-year-old, we thought we would compile a list to celebrate the things that make Edward so damn lovable. 108 things, to be exact.

This task seemed daunting. That's a lot of love. Even for Edward.

But as everyone knows, organization is the key to success. There was a spreadsheet. It may have been color-coded. There were brainstorming sessions. And all of this pretty much occurred in the same amount of time it takes to say "That's My Tshirt." We were pretty sure we were going to have to subcontract out some of the work, but it turns out that we are really really even more obsessed than we thought, and we didn't need to call in reinforcements.

Oh Edward.

108 Reasons Everyone Loves Edward

Edward's Good Qualities

1. Humanity
2. Punctuality
3. Hunts judiciously
4. Family values
5. Politeness
6. He's very attentive
7. He's not afraid to fight dirty if it gets the job done
8. Curiosity
9. Foreplay
10. "I’m nothing if not thorough." -Edward
11. Generosity
12. Ingenuity (A hypodermic needle of venom to the heart? Brilliant, if more clinical than romantic.)
13. Environmentally conscious - "The wasting of finite resources is everyone’s business."
14. He's quite mature for 17.
15. He doesn't want to be a monster.
16. He's stronger than he thought.
17. Doesn't realize the extent of his own hottness.
18. He thinks he isn't worth it. (As if!)
    
19. Adorably pathetic: he curled up into a ball and let the misery have him! Awwwww.
20. Noble to a fault (really? he'd let Jacob have her?)
21. Loyalty
22. Selflessness
23. Self-control - thanks for not biting everyone.

We wouldn't love him so much if he weren't so flawed:

24. Self control - he's a bit of a prude.
25. Self-loathing
26. Finds Khaki irresistible
27. Arrogance
28. Condescension
29. Stubbornness
30. Self-righteousness
31. Horrible fashion sense (book Edward)
32. Werewolfist
33. He's so cute when he's jealous.
34. How easily frustrated he is!
35. Fussy
36. Overprotective
37. He's a bit of a worrywart
38. Repressed
39. Obsessed
40. Addictive personality
41. Masochistic
42. Annoying chuckle
43. Peeping skills
44. Lipstick? Really? (movie Edward)
    
45. He's kind of a cheater (playing the stockmarket)
46. He's sort of a show-off
47. He pouts
48. He broods
49. Procrastinateur. Just BITE already.
50. Jumper to conclusions. Should have confirmed she was dead. Sheesh.
51. Suicidal tendencies. Geez, sensitive much?
52. "I’m a good liar, Bella. I have to be.'
53. Thinks he knows what's best for everyone.
54. Controlling. Not too proud to stoop to kidnapping.
55. "Sometimes I have a problem with my temper, Bella."

Special Skills and talents

56. Excellent composer
57. Amazing pianist (TWSS)
58. Speed
59. Smelling skillz
60. Built-in radar detector
61. Hunting prowess
62. World's Most Dangerous Predator
63. Breaking and entering skillz
64. Stunt driving skills
    
65. Designated Driver
66. Growling/hissing/general intimidation
67. Academic skillz
68. Trained in basic medicine
69. Insomnia
70. Mind-reading skillz
71. Strength
72. Infinite memory
73. Holding still skillz
    
74. Bedazzlement skillz
    
75. Baseball skillz
76. He's handy (oiling the window so it doesn't squeak, for example)
77. He makes a mean scrambled egg
78. Reproductive skillz the likes of which the Vampire World has never seen
79. Excellent reflexes
80. Multi-tasking skillz
81. Agility

Reasons that we shouldn't admit to

82. He's wealthy
83. Peeping is hot, but only when Edward is the Peeper
84. Vigilante (he's killed people before)
85. His brother is hot
86. So's his daddy
87. So's his sister
88. He can make you immortal

Petty Reasons

89. Personal transportation system: No need to ride the bus ever again!
90. Birthdays: Always remembered!
91. ... and he gives pretty cool gifts
92. A girl likes to be found fascinating and out-of-the-ordinary
93. A girl likes to be a boy's #1 priority
94. A girl likes a boy to be changed forever because of her.
95. He hates high school

Physical appearance

96. Excellent Smirk
97. Amazing bouffant
98. Lovely butterscotchy eyes
99. Inguinal crease!
100. Vampire nipples
101. Dazzling
102. Snappy dresser (movie Edward, not doucheybook Edward)
103. His very presence is intoxicating.
104. Everything about him invites you in: his voice
105. his face
106. even his smell
107. As if he would need any of that!
108. Everything sparkles!

Will we ever know 108 things about Edward's penis?

If SNL and TDH collided...

The dialogue for the following sketch is based off of the hospital scene following Bella's incident with the van. Please review scene for maximum entertainment.

Edward and Bella sit on Bella's bed, cuddling...

Bella: Edward, I wanted to talk to you about something

Edward: What is it, love?

Bella: (shifts to look up at Edward, takes Edward's hands in her own) Edward, I think we are ready to take this to the next level.

Edward: (stares intensely) Are you sure Bella?

Bella: (nods) Yes Edward. I'm ready. We're ready

Edward: (sighs) Okay...

Close up of Bella leaning forward expectantly, eyes closed, lips puckered. Cut to Edward leaning back against the headboard, shirt unbuttoned, holding a freshly lit cigarrette

Edward: (takes a long drag on cig) Aaaaaaaah. (glances to Bella) Was it good for you?

Bella: (shirt is a few buttons askew, hair freshly mussed) What?

Edward: We totally did it Bella.

Bella: What? (pauses) Nuh uh.

Edward: Um, yeah actually we did....(a quick cut to Bella's bewildered expression) Oh! Just did it again. Right there. (takes another drag on the cigarrette)

Bella: We did not.

Edward: Yup

Bella: No, we didn't

Edward: I was on top of you the whole time Bella.

Bella: No you weren't. You were sitting right there.

Edward: No, I wasn't.

Bella: Yes, you were

Edward: Uh, Bella, you umm... you might have hit your head (raps knuckle on headboard) I think you're a little confused.

Bella: (adamantly) I know what I saw.

Edward: (leans closer) what exactly was that?

Bella: (inexplicably has her own cigarrette. looks at it, befuddled, and takes a drag) Well... well... it must not have been any good!

Edward: (scoffs) Well, no one's going to believe you, so...

Bella: I wasn't gonna tell anyone, I just want to know... the truth...

Edward: Can't you just thank me and get over it?

Bella: Thank you...

(awkward silence)

Well... can we try it again?

Edward leans away from Bella to put out cigarette. He moves toward her, off screen. Cut to Bella, holding un-ashed cigarrette, looking surprised.

Edward: Done! (folds hands behind head)

Bella: (angrily) I wasn't done!

Edward: You loved it.

Bella: Come on Edward!

Edward: I just did!

Bella: That's not fair!

Edward: (sighs) You're not gonna let this go, are you.

Bella: No.

Edward: In that case I hope you enjoy disappointment.

Remember Bop? Tiger Beat?

Rowr!
OMG
Bob is his name
Er...
Rabid
Tumultuous

Palatable
Anatomy -- everyone gots it
Twilicious
Talented
Inguinal
Not very easy to draw
Sooooo Hawt
Olaf is a viking name
Nearly sighted by me

And now...

Enigmatic
Debby downer
Waaaay cooler than Jacob
Alarming
Really polite
Damned

Creepy
Uber vamp
Lickable
Likeable*
Everywhere
Nocturnal

Soooo, Do you think they would post my submission?

Oh Cedric.

How to Host a TDH Party

Who doubts that it is not only do-able, but actually quite effortless to discuss All Things Twilight for six hours straight? Or longer...?

Done and done. And done. Was it good for you?

While TDH Parties are an excellent way to mark important milestones such as the release of the Twilight DVD, the premiere of the New Moon trailer, etc.), the milestones are not requisite. Sometimes it's fun to have party just because.

It helps if you include these elements in your party:

• a mixture of old and new Twilight friends, perhaps an out-of-towner?
• snacks: mac n cheese is always delicious with Twilight, as are chocolate truffles and red vines
• the DVD, complete with extras
  
• a copy of the book(s) for reference
• pinup(s) of Robert Pattinson, for reference
• SWAG is nice: Twilight buttons, magnets, drawings, party favors, what have you
• fainting couches are desirable, but any soft surface will do
• drinks, for celebrating
• drinks, for drinking games
  
• drinks, for The Swooning, either preemptive or restorative

Enjoy!

The Joke is Free!

Question:
What do vampires have in common with fireworks?
Answer:



Question:
What are a vampire's favorite type of fireworks?
Answer:



Question:
Why do vampires love Independence Day?
Answer:



And finally...
Why does Team Deer love Independence Day?
Answer:

(click on picture if you need it spelled out for you )

Look Who's Setting Up Shop In Seattle