Thursday, July 16, 2009

If SNL and TDH collided...

The dialogue for the following sketch is based off of the hospital scene following Bella's incident with the van. Please review scene for maximum entertainment.

Edward and Bella sit on Bella's bed, cuddling...
Bella: Edward, I wanted to talk to you about something
Edward: What is it, love?
Bella: (shifts to look up at Edward, takes Edward's hands in her own) Edward, I think we are ready to take this to the next level.
Edward: (stares intensely) Are you sure Bella?
Bella: (nods) Yes Edward. I'm ready. We're ready
Edward: (sighs) Okay...

Close up of Bella leaning forward expectantly, eyes closed, lips puckered. Cut to Edward leaning back against the headboard, shirt unbuttoned, holding a freshly lit cigarrette
Edward: (takes a long drag on cig) Aaaaaaaah. (glances to Bella) Was it good for you?
Bella: (shirt is a few buttons askew, hair freshly mussed) What?
Edward: We totally did it Bella.
Bella: What? (pauses) Nuh uh.
Edward: Um, yeah actually we did....(a quick cut to Bella's bewildered expression) Oh! Just did it again. Right there. (takes another drag on the cigarrette)
Bella: We did not.
Edward: Yup
Bella: No, we didn't
Edward: I was on top of you the whole time Bella.
Bella: No you weren't. You were sitting right there.
Edward: No, I wasn't.
Bella: Yes, you were
Edward: Uh, Bella, you umm... you might have hit your head (raps knuckle on headboard) I think you're a little confused.
Bella: (adamantly) I know what I saw.
Edward: (leans closer) what exactly was that?
Bella: (inexplicably has her own cigarrette. looks at it, befuddled, and takes a drag) Well... well... it must not have been any good!
Edward: (scoffs) Well, no one's going to believe you, so...
Bella: I wasn't gonna tell anyone, I just want to know... the truth...
Edward: Can't you just thank me and get over it?
Bella: Thank you...
(awkward silence)
Well... can we try it again?

Edward leans away from Bella to put out cigarette. He moves toward her, off screen. Cut to Bella, holding un-ashed cigarrette, looking surprised.
Edward: Done! (folds hands behind head)
Bella: (angrily) I wasn't done!
Edward: You loved it.
Bella: Come on Edward!
Edward: I just did!
Bella: That's not fair!
Edward: (sighs) You're not gonna let this go, are you.
Bella: No.
Edward: In that case I hope you enjoy disappointment.

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