Chapter Two: F**k You, I want a picture!

Remember that one time back in the days of '09 when we went to that show?

and drank some old timey beer?

Too excited to actually pay attention to the opening bands, Sydney and I planted ourselves in the stairwell a couple floors below the room where the bands were hiding out and took silly pictures.

We witnessed many terrible things in that stairway. A line of girls with special stamps on their hands were escorted to the top floor.

A 13 year old squealed with glee, her braces shining like glitter glue in the sunlight, as the bouncers let her group of friends up, despite a lack of special stamps...

But maybe it was all for the best. Besides, if Sydney and I had managed a chance meeting with 100 Monkeys that night, we might have never met this girl/accidentally took a picture of her

She had a penis tattoo on her back. She might not know her back tattoo looked like a penis, but it did.

It was about this time that we overheard some bouncer say "Get ready for the screams." So we left the stairway vigil and joined the crowd at the stage.

I thought maaybe it would be difficult to tell Jackson from his bandmates. Even if I didn't recognize him, the barrage of camera flashes made it pretty obvious when he took the stage. I seriously thought I was going to have a seizure. In a moment of sorrow, I thought "Poor Monkeys... poor Rob!" And then a girl shoved past, shouting to her friend, "Fu*k you, I want a picture!"

Indeed. Indeed.

Unfortunately, my camera sucks. See that green light? That is where all the vampires were hanging out... Esme, Rosalie, the new Victoria... oh yeah, and Stephenie Meyer.

What happens next? Was Jackson the star of stage and screen that we all hoped him to be? Did Stephenie Meyer fall down from her perch? Did someone steal Jackson's hat as bouncers escorted the band through the molestative crowds?

Oh, I think you know the answer.