New Moon DVD Extras: Unrequited Sparkle

Conspicuously missing from the audio commentary: Our Deer Mr. Pattinson.

No hilarious nonlinear comments!

No pointing out plot holes!

No questions that make it clear he is just now seeing the movie for the first time!

No being hit on by the director!

How, one might ask, are we supposed to develop a drinking game?

The deleted scenes are sadly lacking in extra kissing/falling onto each other/biting/sparkling scenes. I thought that at least Bella's deleted dream sequence, where Edward is crouching on her bed, might prompt some swooning. There isn't even any gratuitous werewolf kissing!

The highlight of the DVD extras is in Part 4 of the documentary, a brief comment Rob makes while filming the Ghost of Edward Appears During Dirt Bike Rev Up scene. You know the part where the Ghost of Edward puts his hand over Bella's on the dirt bike handle bars and says "Stop."? Rob comments that "I kept noticing how creepy my hand looks." Rob laughs awkwardly and says to his hand, "You stop! Me! Stop!"

Yeah, it was amazing.

In summary: fainting couches were not needed.

Happy New Moon DVD Release Day!

When Team Deer makes a promise, by gosh, we deliver!


Welcome to our weekend swooning binge peppered with incoherent in-joke blog posts interspersed with in-depth and hilarious analyses!

New Moon The Musical: Once More, With Feeling!

Now, starring the cast of Buffy!

BELLA:
I touch the fire but wish it was freezing
I only find Jacob Black
Why can't I feel?
My skin shouldn't crack and peel
I want the iciness back.

Jacob comforts Bella in Edward's Absense

Now, through the smoke he calls to me
To make my way across the flame
He'll save the day or maybe melt away
I guess it's all the same
So, I will walk to the fire
Cause where else can I turn?
I will walk to the fire
And let it

JACOB
The torch I bear is scorching me
Edward's laughing I've no doubt
I hope he fries
She's free if that leech dies!
I wish he'd help me out.

GHOST OF EDWARD
Bella's drawn to the fire
Some people

JACOB
She will

EDWARD, JACOB
never learn
And she will walk to the fire
And let it

Edward and Jacob have an impromptu musical douche-off.

EDWARD
I wish I would have gone and changed her!
Am I leaving her in danger?
Is my Bella too far gone to care?

ALICE
What if Edward can't defeat it?

Alice forsees Bella's leap from the cliffs

JASPER
Your seeing eyes are right
We're needed!

Jasper is dangerous.

ROSALIE
...Or we could just sit around and glare

Rosalie glares.

CULLENS:
We'll see it through
It's what we're always here to do
We'll watch her walk to the fire...

BELLA
So one by one, they turned from me
I guess my friends don't want me cold

ALICE
What don't we want...
...Together

BELLA
I wish I'd froze, but not one among them knows
And never can be told.

ALICE
He came from the grave much graver.

CARLISLE
So one by one they come to me
The distant redness as their guide

Carlisle, The Patriarch.

JACOB
First, he'll kill her, then I'll save her

ESME
Everything is turning out so dark

Esme worries about her family.

BELLA
Going through the motions

JACOB
No, I'll save her, then I'll kill her

CARLISLE
But what they find
Ain't what they had in mind

BELLA
Walking through the part

EMMETT
I think this line is mostly filler

Oh, Emmett

CARLISLE
It's what they have inside

JACOB
What's it going to take to strike a spark?

BELLA
These endless days are finally ending in a blaze

JACOB
She will come to me

The Cullens see the werewovles for the first time.

BELLA, CULLENS, WEREWOLVES
And she is caught in the fire
At the point of no return
So she will walk to the fire
And let it
Burn
Let it burn
Let it burn
Let it burn!

I think we know that Edward's penis doesn't burn.

Great Expectations!

Bella waits expectantly for what seems like eternity

Deer Friends,

Happy New Moon Day! Wishing you a great paper cut, and many many hot seething vampires in your future!

May your luck be better than Bella's.

Team Deer!


P.S. In case you were wondering what seething hot looks like

New Moon Duets: Crush

If Edward and Bella have anything in common, it is their flair for the melodramatic...

Crush by Garbage with guest appearances by The Ghost of Edward

-Edward and Bella-

I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side
To know that you're mine

-Bella-
I will cry for you
I will cry for you
I will wash away your pain with all my tears
And drown your fear

-Edward-
I will pray for you
I will pray for you

-Bella-
I will sell my soul for something pure and true
Someone like you

-Bella-
See your face every place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time I am talking
-Edward-

You will believe in me
And I will never be ignored

-Bella-
I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart
I'll tear it apart

-Edward-
I will lie to you
I can steal from you

I will crawl on hands and knees until you see
You're [can't be] like me

-Bella-

Violate all my love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
-Edward-

You will believe in me
And I can never be ignored

-Edward-
I would die for you
I would kill for you
I will steal [cars] for you
-Bella-

I would wait for you

I'd [hallucinate] you
-Edward-

I'd [hide in your room] for you
I'd [sparkle] for you
To be close to you
To be a part of you
-Edward-

'Cause I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you.

What Aro Knows About Edward's....you know

"I’ve never felt anything like it myself." (twhs!)

New Moon Solo: Bella

What's in Canada? Not only were the cast & crew of New Moon and Eclipse there, but Barenaked Ladies. In this folksy ballad, Bella sings to Jacob. So sad.


For You

I have set aside everything I love [Edward]
I have saved everything else for you [Jacob]
I cannot decide what this doubt's made of [duh, it's Edward]
Though I thought over it through and through [I think about him constantly]

In a book in a box high upon a shelf
In a locked and guarded vault [Edward hid my stuff really well]
Are the things I keep only for myself
It's your fate but it's not your fault

And for every useless reason I know
There's a reason not to care
If I hide myself wherever I go
Am I ever really there?

There is nowhere else I would rather be,
but I can't just be right here
An enigma wrapped in a mystery,
or a fool consumed by fear

And for every useless reason I know
There's a reason not to care
If I hide myself wherever I go
Am I ever really there?

I will give you all I could ever give
Though it's less than you will need
Could you just forget, if you can't forgive
All the things I cannot concede

If Edward hides his penis everywhere he goes, is it ever really there?

Token Team Jacob Post

In case any of you are keeping track, this is a post that doesn't mention Edward (dammit) about which the main focus is not Edward, nor Robert Pattinson.

Werewolves are cool!

• Once they mature, they can either choose "forever" or they can control their phasing and return to a normal life.
  
• In a pinch, they can fill in for a space heater.
• They can be in love with a girl without resorting to creepy stalker tactics.
  
• They put off a more lovable, sunshiney vibe than vampires.
• Automotive repair skillz.
• They're naked a lot.
  

But in all fairness, werewolves have some issues:

• Pack mentality.
  
• Sometimes it's creepy who they love.
  
• They smell like dogs.
  
• They don't sparkle, per se.
  
• Even werewolves can be intimidated by Edward Cullen, bouffant hair and all. Hisssssss.

I wonder what werewolves know about Edward's penis?

NMS: New Moon [The Meadow]

Thank you for tuning in to my New Moon Soundtrack Gratuitous Visual Accompaniment series.

Best. Weekend. Ever.*

*except for all those weekends that were also extremely awesome

NMS: No Sound But The Wind

Now we know what a coconut sounds like

NMS: Shooting the Moon

Good luck with shooting whatwherenow?

NMS: Slow Life

"I think I know what's on your mind"

Really Bella, its sort of oscillating over your shoulder... no your other shoulder...

Oh, that's not what's on your mind?

Oh that.

NMS: Meet Me on the Equinox

Everything Ends, Bella

But I thought some things were forever...

NMS: Done All Wrong

Edward employs a foolproof method for correcting all those wrongs

NMS: Roslyn

"caught in the undertow"

who isn't?

NMS: Friends

"Yeah my friends, they are so beautiful"

And oh my GAWD what a catchy song. I know, I know, you're still just looking at the picture, but really, I'm all about Band of Skulls.

NMS: The Violet Hour

So that's what kids are calling it these days...

NMS: I Belong to You

Indeed.

NMS: Satellite Heart

NMS: A White Demon Love Song

White. check.

Demon. Check

Sparkle Penis. check

MERMAIDER!!!

Oops. sorry. wrong song/genre/show.