Edvent Calendar - Day 11

If you don't sleep (not at all), does that mean Santa skips your house? Poor Edward!

A Battle of Wits

With the approach of a new year, I have decided that it is time to wrap up a few things here at TDH. Do not fret! We will continue with the jokes and the revelations (even if I am off - grid more than I would like to be). However, there is one thread that I believe should be put to rest.

Mayhaps you recall the Twifight?

Jean, I would like to challenge you to a battle of wits.

It's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you. Are you the sort of woman who would mistake pajamas for an outfit?


Now, a clever woman would know the difference between pajamas and suits. She would know that only a great fool would be confused. I'm not a great fool, so clearly Rob is wearing pajamas. But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I clearly must assume that Rob is not wearing pajamas!.

Have I made my decision? Not remotely. Because Rob comes from England, as everyone knows. And England is entirely peopled with the anti-fashioned. And the British are used to having people mistake their outerwear for pajamas, which explains the belt. So I can clearly not call these linens bedclothes!

Truly, a dizzying intellect. But wait till I get going! Where was I? Ah yes, England...
You must have suspected I would have known Rob's origin, so I can clearly call these duds pajamas!

Rob, going to bed, in a dinner jacket.

You'd like to think that I'm stalling, wouldn't you?
You have evaded my previous arguments which means you're exceptionally strong of mind. So, you could have pretended they were not pajamas and trusted your strength to save you. So I can clearly not choose the "indie outfit" argument. But, you've also bested my witty comments which means you must have studied. And in studying, you must have learned that Rob is weird so you would have put the pajama thesis as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose this for myself.

You think I'm trying to trick you, but I'm not! You've given everything away! I know what Rob is wearing! I will make my choice! and I choose!...

What is that over there!



What was that? Was I supposed to say something else? Hmmm... But the choice does not matter. Clearly I fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is "Never get involved in a land war in Asia." But only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a French. Ever."

Still not Jammies

So not jammies.

Deer Emilie,

These are pajamas.

We're in a Fight: I'm right.

I knew it was a bad idea. Usually when these magazines with Robert Pattinson doing photo shoots where he pretends to be my boyfriend come out, I resist purchasing them, and only look at the pictures online.

Today Jean and I braved the mocking smirks of bookstore cashiers in order to purchase the Robert Pattinson magazine, officially named "Vanity Fair" or something. Maybe you have heard of this magazine.

ANYWAY.

Despite Jean's efforts to distract me by playing Twilight in the background, I will state my case!

Photographic Specimen A:

Me: They're Pajamas

Jean: No, its some sort of suit thing.

Me: Yeah. Its a suit... for bedtime

Jean: No! Look at this other picture! Its an outfit

Me: No its not

Jean: Yes it is

Me: Not

Jean: Is

I confess, I made a bold move -- an underhanded move. I consulted Michael.

Michael: Those look like pajamas to me (THANK YOU!) or maybe cabana wear?

I can see how these linens might be construed as casual beach wear. However...

Note:

- The stripes!

- The matching top and bottom (twss)!

- Despite the fact that he probably shouldn't be wearing anything to bed, I think it is very clear that these are traditional nighty night clothes.

- And there is a blanket.

- And a cigarrette.

- AND cheap beer... classic bedtime accoutrement!!!

Why Jean? WHY?

We're In A Fight: Not Jammies

We at TDH are smack dab in the middle of our very first fight. Emilie's outrageous claims have created a rift in our relationship that may be irrepairable. Knowing what I now know about Emilie's refusal to use common sense and reason, I am amazed that we have managed to go this long without some sort of conflict.

What, you ask, did she do that is so reprehensible?

Exhibit A: Hot magazine photo.

"These are not my jammies."

This picture clearly shows some sort of preppy pant/shirt combo. While it's undeniably douchey (sidebar: don't you love how Rob makes even douchey outfits look hot?) it is clearly day wear and not loungewear. Look closely (I know you already have anyway) and you will note that Rob is wearing a belt. Pajamas aren't worn with belts! As if he would need a belt! Pajamas don't even have belt loops. And those aren't slippers, they are wing tips. Who would wear pajamas with wing tips? (Omg that's so hot. I mean, it's not pajamas!) Indeed, even the button down top that appears on first glance to exactly match the pants is actually being worn layered over some sort of patterned shirt. Who layers pajamas? Not even Robert Pattinson can be accused of this.

Emilie refuses to believe the undeniable evidence in front of her and insists that this getup is pajamas. I, on the other hand, acknowledge the truth.

I only hope that we are able to find a way to continue our TDH partnership in the face of this fundamental disagreement. I would ask our TDH readers to weigh in on this issue, but I don't wish to implicate you in this unfortunate turn of events.