Wanna Join The Team?

I've noticed that they'll let just about anyone on to Twilight teams these days. Seriously! Are there no standards? Are they really that desperate for members?

Well here at TDH, things are different. We have criteria! Our simple list of qualifiers will give our readers a sense of belonging (and perhaps creepiness) and bring a sparkle to your day!

You Know You are Team Deer If:

- You're attracted to glittery objects
- You've contemplated the mechanics of vampire genitalia
- You own something Twilight related.
- You've made something Twilight related (poems, songs, shirts, etc.)
- You start sentences "If I were a vampire..."
- You have ever wondered about Edward's penis
- You giggle when hearing any of the following words: sparkle, glitter, feathers
- You think this picture has too much bella
- You have theories about Edward's penis
- Whenever anyone says "Say it." You can't stop yourself from saying, "Out loud."
- You can name at least one thing you know about Edward's penis
- You've googled it
- You have a problem with the name Renesmee
- You take Vitamin R regularly


- You can transform any subject into a conversation about Twilight
- You have your own theories about
what happened in that tent



If you have your own Team Deerisms, feel free to add below.

Preclipe Party Premier. Pompadour. Pontification?

On June 29th, 2010, Team Deer convened for the world famous Team Deer Preclipse Prefunk Midnight Showing. Party.

The replicas were gathered, the candles lit...

Our Edwardian shrine needed only one addition

Yes, yes. Our party was singled out by Edward Cullen.

He assumed we were going to be watching New Moon first, and dressed accordingly

...but we explained to him that we couldn't bear it.

Instead, we spent the evening snacking and drinking. Edward politely refrained from both activities, but allowed us to manipulate his hard, smooth, sparkling... limbs, anyway we wished.
We sat him on a plastic horse.

But wait! There's more! The party, as you well may guess from the alliterative title of this post, was merely a precursor to waiting in line for the midnight showing of Eclipse! Edward joined us for that as well, and threatened all those who mocked us with his sparkle butt.

There was some confusion at the door as to whether Edward was expected to have a ticket to his very own movie premiere. But worrying was pointless! Edward sparkled magnificently as he wooed the ticket taker, and he and Sydney entered the theater on a hastily created two-for-one ticket deal (apparently if you come with an Edward and a ticket, you get in for free!)

We found our seats, settled in and prepared ourselves for the third installment of a most dazzling series. The End.





But wait! There's even more!
No really. You'll just have to wait.

Movie Review: Cedward Diggory and the Goblet of Fire

The first time most of us glimpsed our Deer Mr. Pattinson was quite likely when we saw Cedric drop from a tree. And while most of us wouldn't dare say "Potter Stinks" I think it's fair to admit that most of us were quite happily pro-Cedric.

Obviously this is a lovely Harry Potter movie that you certainly don't need anyone to tell you about. But how can we resist offering you our special brand of innuendo, wand jokes, and RPatz commentary? Of course we can't resist!

Oh, Cedric.

Rob's Hair

Glorious!

Lovely, as always!

In this iteration it is glossy and flopsy and very wizard-jock-golden-boy. Rita Skeeter gets right in there and fondles his lovely locks --"What mysteries do the muscles mask? Does courage lie beneath those curls?" -- and then she situates herself in a Cedric/Harry sandwich before she whisks Harry off to a broom cupboard for a tête-à-tête. She's a (dirty old) woman after my own heart.


Rob's Quotes

First, here's how Harry gives Cedric the inside info in a very straightforward manner: "Dragons. That's the first task. They brought one for each of us."

Now here's how Cedric gives Harry the inside info in a roundabout and more-than-slightly suggestive manner: "You know the Prefects' bathroom on the 5th floor?" [Flashes winning smile. Leans closer to Harry.] "Not a bad place for a bath." [Nudge nudge wink wink.]


Perhaps my favorite RPatz quote of all time: "Take my body back, Harry!"

Indeed!

And what about other characters' quotes?

Voldemort [after killing Cedric]: "Tsk tsk tsk. Such a handsome boy."

Oh, Professor McGonagall: "Potter is a boy, not a piece of meat!" ...Really? The bathing scene sure fooled me.

[Cedric drops from tree.] Mr. Weasley: "And this strapping young lad must be Cedric, am I right?" Cedric: "Yes sir." Oh, Mr. Weasley. You've never been more right. [Hermione and Ginny exchange a check-out-the-hotness glance.]


Why Rob Chose to Be in This Movie

First off, it's compulsory if you are both British and an actor. You have to sign something when you join the British Actors' Equity Association, I'm quite certain.

Second, who wouldn't agree to let Ralph Fiennes kill you and then touch your face with his bare foot?

Twilight Crossover/Tie-In

I'm pretty sure that in the swimming scene Cedric is wearing--in addition to his custom Hufflepuff swimming suit--a Cullen Crest cuff bracelet.

What can Cedric do that Edward can't?

• Fly.
• Take a sudsy bubblebath with a ghost. (Technically Edward could do this, but he's such a prude he wouldn't.)
• Bleed
• Die
• Bend his wand

What can Edward do that Cedric can't?

• Sparkle
• Nothing else matters
  

Yet they have so much in common, Cedric and Edward! Aside from the affinity for trees, even. They both are really good looking. Well, maybe that's all.

[Insert wand joke.]

Wait! I bet Cedric would also want to kill Bella. Even if he isn't thirsting for her blood--she's just that annoying.

Also, they are both good at haunting their loved ones! The Ghost of Edward appears to Bella; The Ghost of Cedric appears to Harry.

And obviously, just like all the ladies love Edward, they love Cedric. Myrtle calls him, "The other boy....The handsome one." Even Harry's lady Cho can't resist Cedric. She goes to the dance with him instead of Harry.

Cedric looking both youthful and vampirish.

Overall Impressions

Harry is NOT 14.

Recommendation

Buy this movie for Robert Pattinson, watch it again and again for Harry in the bubbles. (He's NOT 14!)

Law Abiding Team Jacob Fans Feel Free to Swoon

I'm afraid there is no way we can not celebrate Taylor Lautner's 18th Birthday. All of us dirty old ladies can now heave a sigh of relief.

T een wolf
A lmost as funny as Rob
Y our Favorite Quilute
L egal
O n Fire
R eally hot

L ycanthropic
A nthropomorphic
U nusually buff
T erribly strong
N ot susceptible to lunar cycles
E dward's nemesis
R eally literally hot

What We Do Know: Parts 35-38

"The image of Edward in the meadow—glowing, shimmering like his skin was made of a million diamond facets—was burned into my memory. No human who saw that would ever forget."

It doesn't just sparkle. Oh, heck no.

It glows.

It shimmers.

It's like diamonds.

It's unforgettable.

Hey, if you had one you'd look at it all the time too.

Chapter Three: What happens in Vancouver...

The hotel room was awesome.

What We Do Know 21

It makes us laugh

And We Thought We Were Dirty Old Women

The hottest hotties...the hottest teens to me are the uh....the Twilight fans.

-Robert Pattinson