You Know You're Team Deer IF: Birthday Edition

...you've ever received a birthday post with gratuitous pictures of Robert Pattinson



Edward: Carlisle, I said I wanted a car for my birthday. Whats this noise?
Carlisle: It is a car. A train car.
(...you reinterpret every Robert Pattinson role as Edward in various stages 0f vampirism.)



You wonder what it would be like to be an elephant...




...Or an alligator



You're a fan of the birthday suit.



Happy Birthday Jean!

Birthday Sparkle

It's Birthday Time for Team Deer!

Put on your sparkle-tie!

WWDK: Part 34(byin)

After a thrilling two part TWSS extravaganzo -- if you haven't read it yet, by all means scroll down! -- we have learned something new about Edward's sparkley bits.

It likes a bumpy ride.

Just Checking In...

This week, a certain member of Team Deer went off the grid for three days.

Well!

Of course you realize what takes three days: turning into Edward's vampire honey.

So, not unlike Jacob, I had to make a phone call (well, a text) today just to make sure that a certain inevitable event hadn't yet occurred. And while Emilie didn't answer my question directly, answer she did. With text-based giggling. So at least I know that Edward was able to stop.

What if Edward's penis went off the grid?

Twilight Duet / The Cullen Family Singers

Bella and Edward discover love in the gazebo

(Edward)
You wait, little girl,
On an empty deck
For fate to turn the light off
Your life, little girl,
Is a tasty neck
That men will want to bite on

(Bella)
To bite on

(Edward)
You are 17 going on 18
Baby it’s time to think
Better beware [of me!]
Be canny and careful
Baby you're on the brink  [of death]
You are 17 going on 18
Fellows will fall in line
Eager young lads
And roués and cads
Will thirst for your blood sometimes
Totally unprepared are you
To face a world of men
Timid and shy and scared are you
Of things beyond your ken
You need someone
Older and wiser
Telling you what to do
I am 17 going on 108
I'll take care of you [hisssss]

(Bella)
I am 17 going on 18
I'm not that naive
Vampires I meet may think I smell sweet
But I simply don't believe
I am 17 going on 18 fragrant as a rose
bloodsucking dandies
with bouffants-so-fancy,
What do I know of those?
Totally unprepared am I
To face a world of death
Timid and shy and scared am I
Of things beyond my ken
I need someone
Older and wiser
Telling me what to do
You are 17 going on 108
I'll depend on you


























When the vampire bites, when the werewolf stings, Edward's penis is one of our favorite things.

How to Host a TDH Party

Who doubts that it is not only do-able, but actually quite effortless to discuss All Things Twilight for six hours straight? Or longer...?

Done and done. And done. Was it good for you?

While TDH Parties are an excellent way to mark important milestones such as the release of the Twilight DVD, the premiere of the New Moon trailer, etc.), the milestones are not requisite. Sometimes it's fun to have party just because.

It helps if you include these elements in your party:

• a mixture of old and new Twilight friends, perhaps an out-of-towner?
• snacks: mac n cheese is always delicious with Twilight, as are chocolate truffles and red vines
• the DVD, complete with extras
  
• a copy of the book(s) for reference
• pinup(s) of Robert Pattinson, for reference
• SWAG is nice: Twilight buttons, magnets, drawings, party favors, what have you
• fainting couches are desirable, but any soft surface will do
• drinks, for celebrating
• drinks, for drinking games
  
• drinks, for The Swooning, either preemptive or restorative

Enjoy!

What we do know Part IV

It doesn't suck.

Fortune Cookies Are Never Wrong

Your curiosity may mean success.
Well, there are several things that I am curious about, so I'm just going to hold on to that fortune.

Book 4 Mythology -- Stephenie Meyer, You are A-OK

So, vampire sperm. What's up with that? 

I was incredibly confused as to how a vampire could produce sperm, but not tears. I tossed and turned over this tiny detail. Shouldn't this be impossible?

What? You say the entire book is impossible? BAH. I still want believable explanations. How can Edward suck venom from Bella's wound if his own mouth is full of venom? Does he just have to swallow it all first? Not touch his teeth to her wound? hmm. And what about menstrual blood? Doesn't that bug vampires too? Do vampires do everything fast (Jean, I don't think many vampires actually make risotto)? 

Of course, Stephenie Meyer probably couldn't fit every single fact into the four books. I mean, JRR Tolkein included a 200 page appendix at the end of Return of the King (Meyer should probably thank me for including Tolkein in a post about her. Just sayin). And including an explanation about sperm would probably mean cutting out stuff like broken headboards and other crucial plot points. Sooooo, I discovered the FAQ section on Meyer's website (yet another thing you can google). She sort of explains the tear thing. Vampires don't produce tears because their eyes don't require moisture to function... 

Anyhoo, the best part of the explanation is when Meyer talks of why she never answers this type of  question at book signings. Apparently she has the tendency to giggle when she says "Seminal Fluids".  Truly she is a kindred spirit. Similar to the dick and fart joke phenomenon, women are often connected by the middle school girl syndrome; an inability to hold back the giggles when talking about attractive people, naked people, or anything in between... eh? EH? So the next time you hear a silly word like "sperm" or "ovum", or even just "fluid" try the giggle. Satisfaction guarunteed!