Robert Pattinson Inadvertently Endorses TDH!

I had no idea people could get so obsessed.
But it's not scary - it's amazing.
-Robert Pattinson

Sounds like someone wants to find out more about Edward's penis.

New Moon Duets: The Dutchess and The Duke

Sometimes when two people get separated, all they can do is sing it out.

The Dutchess and the Duke? Indeed

Resevoir Park

Bella:

Well I barely woke this morning on the cold ground by the sea.
And I opened up my eyes and those black clouds are all I see.
And I wonder if someone's up there,
If the black clouds can see me,

And the clouds keep rolling on in

The supersonic jet plane taking people everywhere.
Well, i wish that i could go there, I wish I could be somewhere.
But i know I'm still right here,
And I know here is still nowhere,

And the clouds keep rolling on in.

Edward and Bella:
Well tell me, what am I gonna do?
Tell me, what am I gonna do?
To make it clear.
So I can get my head straight,
I can see the sun.

Bella:
Well I went down to have my fortune told.
Well I went to see the gypsy to have my fortune told.
She said "You ain't got no future, you ain't never growing old,"

And the clouds keep rolling on in.

Well, how many times have I defied the cold clutches of death?
And how many times have I stopped short from taking that last step?
And every time I've tried to hurt you, I have only hurt hurt myself,

And the clouds keep rolling on in.

Edward and Bella:
Well tell me, what am I gonna do?
Tell me, what am I gonna do?
To make it clear,
Well I can't get my head straight,
I can't see the sun.
Tell me, what am I gonna do?
So I can see,
So i can be the same as everyone.

Edward:
Well, I hear them whisper,
Pounding, pounding in my head until it all sounds the same.
If I don't see the sun soon then I know I'll go insane.
And if this is where I belong,
Well how long will I remain?

Edward and Bella:
And the clouds keep rolling on in.

Well tell me, what am I gonna do?
Tell me, what am I gonna do?
To make it clear,
Well I can't get my head straight,
I can't see the sun.
Tell me, what am I gonna do?
So I can see,
So I can be the same, the same as everyone.
Tell me, what am I gonna do?
'Cause I can't see
And I can't be the same, the same as everyone.

Don't worry Bella. He haunts us too.

And We Thought We Were Dirty Old Women

The hottest hotties...the hottest teens to me are the uh....the Twilight fans.

-Robert Pattinson

Sleep is [not] for Suckers

There are probably 20,000 other posts I could be writing right now, but I am too tired to pen something witty about vampire sparkley bits. If you had to be me, you would say, "Holy Crow!' And then stab yourself in the face and hope a vampire comes to make you pretty...

Make me pretty!

Some of you may already know this, but I am one of those people. You know, the ones who don't quite operate along the same lines as the rest of the universe.

I will take full responsibility for leaving the lights in my truck on. But when I actively tried to fix the situation, was it my fault that my battery couldn't be charged with the basic car to car jump? Was it my fault that the police pulled up within seconds of Steve double parking on a 3 lane one way street? Was it my fault that my phone died before I could call roadside assistance?

Was it my fault that the box I used to prop open the door at work was too light?

Was it my fault that mall security didn't have a master key to let me back into the bakery?

I might be cursed, but at least the universe likes me enough to send a handful of competent people my way to help me out of my predicaments. But--

Oh, Hi Edward. I forget that you like to sneak up on people sometimes... What was that? No, no. I don't need you in all of my posts. GOSH. But still... [cue swelling orchestral music]

It might be nice

to have

someone like you

around

It might be nice

to be like you

When the sun goes down

I am young

But old enough to make

mistakes

I am fortunes fool

Pirite bright ahead

lights my path

Disaster is my wake

When the sun goes down

I have tried

many sleepless nights

to find a way

to change

Maybe I

should try to find a way

to stay

the same

When the sun goes down

eye to eye
let's make a trade
take your time
when you take my time
away

When the sun goes down

I would like, to know, what it is, that makes it sparkle

when the sun goes down

That's My (Wet) T-Shirt

The one thing Twilight is missing is a good old fashioned pond-diving scene.

Sure, the scene in question was invented for the Pride and Prejudice BBC mini-series, and appears nowhere in the novel itself. But Jane herself probably would have participated in the collective swoon heard round the world when ladies everywhere first viewed that scene. And sometimes book-to-film adaptations need to take some liberties in order to visually interpret what the narrative in the novel would have described to us. And gosh, what a perfect way to show Darcy's wealth (That's My Pond), vulnerability (mussed hair, caught unawares) and vitality (clingy trousers).

Just like Jane Austen fans enjoyed seeing Mr. Darcy's nipples, we members of Team Edward would appreciate a little wet t-shirt action please. Catherine "Rob is So Hot" Hardwicke attempted to oblige us with the brief scene in which Edward and Bella discuss vampirism. She certainly did her best to drench him with as much water as possible, while completely ignoring that one girl (whatshername? Beatrice? Beulah?). But alas, Edward was clad in a dark shirt and all we see is water trickling down his face. Nice, but not quite as iconic.

Oh well. Maybe there will be such a scene in the Breaking Dawn movie on the beach. In the mean time, we shall have to make do with these brilliant photographs.

This Joke Makes me Sick!

Thanks to my new roomies for this one!

Q: What do you give a vampire with a cold?

A: A coffin drop!

Dr. Cullen administers a "coffin drop" to soothe Edward's itchy throat.

Twilight Re-writes: Six Word Short Stories

Jean:
Twilight: Edward couldn't control himself. Bella dies.
New Moon: In Italy, Edward disrobes. Jacob watches.
Eclipse: Edward fancies Jacob's scent. They kiss.
Breaking Dawn: Feathery honeymoons create vampire-wolf babies.
Summary: Don't need six words. Edward sparkles.


AJ:
Tainted Love at first troubling whiff.
Liquid diet adds sparkle and luster.
Team Cullen engages in America’s pastime.
You/your mix tapes don’t suck.

German Daniel:
Edward penis. Bella penetration. Blood love.

Sydney:
Twilight: June 2, 2003: Stephanie develops insomnia!
New Moon: Edward leaves Bella to the wolves.
Eclipse: They pitch a tent for Bella.
Breaking Dawn: Wedding night surprise: Edward really sucks.




















Emilie:
Twilight: Bella can't stand Forks. Enter Edward.
New Moon: Flip to page 451.
Eclipse: Jacob who? Let's make out now.
Breaking Dawn: Taking the fun out of vampire.
Entire Series: Drugs, Sex, replaced by Khaki, Blood.

OK fans (who have not already contributed to this post.) What are your six word rewrites?