Movie Review: Remember Me

Alert: Consider yourself duly spoiled.

We have certainly enjoyed seeing the preview for this movie during our mmmmmany New Moon theatre visits. (Sidebar: is that awful Italy / Juliet movie even a movie or is it a preview? Because that hunk of junk is still ruining my Robert Pattinson buzz every time I go to the theatre.)

Yes, the preview was enjoyable... Team Deer was not quite so enthusiastic about the movie.

Rob's Hair
Fantastic, glorious, and often being touched. He's allowed to have stubble (hot!) and his eyebrows were under control and not distracting. So...win/win.

Damn. He's beautiful even when he's beat up.
New Moon Edward could have used some of this dissipation.

Rob's Quotes
Not applicable. It wasn't really the lines that were awful.

Why Rob Chose to Be in This Movie
He gets to smoke cigarettes and/or drink in pretty much every shot. Oh, and dress like a huge slob and fondle his guitar.

"A handwritten script must be worthwhile. I'll do it!"

Twilight Crossover/Tie-In
Just like in New Moon, your eye will be strangely drawn to his left nipple. It's because he has his dead brother's name tattooed--not just over his heart, but curving prominently around his pectoral, accentuating the legendary nipple. Please note: no sparkle.

Overall Impressions

What just happened!

I'm not sure what is more ill-advised: the preview that made this seem like a romantic drama (I wasn't really rooting for the couple) or the unexpected and unfortunate twist at the end of the movie. Do you think the reason why most of the actors they cast are foreign is because they couldn't convince any Americans that the September 11 tie-in was in any way appropriate or meaningful to the story?

He hasn't showered in a week and he still looks hotter than James Bond.

Recommendation
128 minutes of eye candy is not a bad way to spend 128 minutes. Plus, there's a preview of Eclipse.

Remember Edward's penis.

Look After My Heart

Remember when Jacob gives Bella a box of conversation hearts in exchange for a lifetime of servitude? The joke was on him. All the hearts are conversing about Edward.

Happy Valentine's Day From Team Deer

Law Abiding Team Jacob Fans Feel Free to Swoon

I'm afraid there is no way we can not celebrate Taylor Lautner's 18th Birthday. All of us dirty old ladies can now heave a sigh of relief.

T een wolf
A lmost as funny as Rob
Y our Favorite Quilute
L egal
O n Fire
R eally hot

L ycanthropic
A nthropomorphic
U nusually buff
T erribly strong
N ot susceptible to lunar cycles
E dward's nemesis
R eally literally hot

What We Do Know: Part 55

"Jasper can handle it."

I'm sure he can, Edward. I'm sure he can.

Movie Reviews: The Haunted Airman

The trailer promised: "It will rattle your nerves and take you to the very edge." (That's what he said.)

It will rattle whose what?

To the very edge of whatnow?

Rob's Hair
Opening scene: closeup of the face of Toby Jugg, the bomber baron. There's his eyebrow! We can spot those anywhere. Guess what else he has? A moustache. (Why don't we have that picture?) But they must have then decided that that would obscure his beauty or interfere with the later shots of the spiders on his face, so that was the last we saw of the 'stache. He did, however, have a mild unibrow. And less chest hair than sparkle-reveal Edward in the New Moon movie.



Rob's Quotes
"Here is the end of the world, where the living dance with the dead." (Um, it's a mental institution and rehab mansion. Bit of a drama queen, are we?)
"He harks off." (What? He does? But I thought he was paralyzed from the waist down?)
"There are m*therf*cking sparkles on the m*therf*ckin plane."

Why Rob Chose to Be In This Movie
We're pretty sure he wrote the screenplay. He gets to smoke cigarettes in pretty much every shot, and he gets to be pushed around in a wheelchair.

"This is the worst script ever. I'll do it!"

Twilight Crossover/Tie-In
In the film, Rob's eyes are his natural color--green. But in the DVD menu screen, his eyes are golden brown, and he appears to be wearing both blush and lipstick.

Overall Impressions
This was effably (our favorite word from the movie) the most confusing movie this side of David Lynch. The movie is, as the title promises, about an airman. And he does indeed seem to be haunted. And that's mostly what it is...scene after scene of him being haunted. There's a doctor who may or may not be trying to brainwash him into committing suicide. Then there is his aunt by marriage, with whom he has had an inappropriate relationship. And she deals him a bit of treachery, for which he delivers her a violent end. Oh Toby. She only liked you when you were underage and it was illegal. Story as old as time. Or as young as time.

Recommendation
Watch this movie if you would like to see a young Robert Pattinson wearing tweed and sweatervests (actually not quite as hot as it might have been), smoking lots of cigarettes, and having a nurse massage and bathe him.

Awkward!

Landmarks

We at Team Deer rightfully claim full knowledge of Mr. Pattinson's sordid movie career (credited projects only).

Analysis to follow.

What We Do Know: Part 54

Edward's patience was endless.

It can wait.